
…walking in Vancouver Rain.

…walking in Vancouver Rain.
It takes more than you bargained for
to find the right moment to ask.
It takes a lot of courage to win.
It takes a lot of faith to keep moving.
To find the right moment to ask,
when everything seems an illusion;
It takes a lot of faith to keep moving.
It takes a brave woman to believe.
When everything seems an illusion—
That the heart muscle knows how to lift.
It takes a brave woman to believe
that my feet know how to float.
If the heart muscle knows how to lift,
then his eyes are not lost in his questions.
If my feet know how to float,
will we walk the bent path to the sea?
It takes the strength of his kindness.
We need a lot of courage to win.
It needs the gentleness of my hands.
It takes more than we bargained for.
© Sonya Littlejohn, 2012
I made an original poem for a nice Djembe beat from Shaddow9Drummer, a producer and artist in the UK. Please enjoy. ♥
We go in with a knowing…
Faith that telling our barest bones
can lead to a structure
that will keep us safe, warm and loved.
Letting us be understood,.
Not even knowing about innerstanding…
Letting us become worthy shelter
for worthwhile love.
We quiet the fear of offering our hand.
The factors are counted:
We reveal our weaknesses slowly,
Unravel our insecurities in a not enough, too soon
Too much, if ever
Not enough, never kind of way.
At the same time, we sit comfortably at each other’s tables
like old friends and lovers of past lives,
expecting things that are usually unexpected,
like we have the imprint of it
already in our souls.
We open ourselves
to phobias,
and maybe even their cures.
waiting on the other side of newly discovered doors…
Not knowing how best to prepare our lovers
for the trigger-bangs that might hit their foreheads,
dead centre before day breaks
if we let the spout flow too quickly
in the kitchen of our concept creations,
See, we are always afraid of the let go of no more,
The seconds and thirds we will crave
So anxious for arrival that we will it to come faster,
Come hard,
Come screaming down the rails
a locomotive ablaze…
Rip the band-aid quickly.
For the price of a stronger sting, it ends faster.
Or rip it slowly.
Watch each hair pulled free,
each follicle rising angrily at betrayal.
Forgetting the new skin.
Focusing on the scar.
This is my fear of commitment talking,
And this is my desire to overcome,
responding.
We went in with a knowing.
We counted the factors,
Found ourselves still wanting one another,
Promised inner-standing,…
Gave faith.
Bringing life back to the centre, slowly…
Picking up pieces and disposing
of what we can,
so it doesn’t trip us on our way up
our spiral staircase.
© Sonya Littlejohn, 2011
It was a dark and stormy night…
Stella dreamed she needed a Warrior Prince who traveled a dark path through a forest, fighting for truth justice and reciprocity,
Side stepping quick sands,
Washing the blood from his hands under each full Moon
and drinking full at the noon day’s Sun,
He would travel deserts and mountains looking for a land to call home,
Looking for Her,
To ask his beloved’s forgiveness for failing
to take all the demons away,
Promising that if he could just save one soul
It must be hers
and he would give his lifetime to such a cause.
Thinking he would know the way by the map in his mind,
Stella waited to bathe him in her heart’s content but
Early imposters kept appearing;
exes marking the spot…
Turning out to be the big bad wolf,
and Stella lamented openly…
Until no one heard her very clearly anymore…
She kept telling the story of failing to save the patient and having her own heart attack, with every broken love story between she and the Demon.
The crime scene dream of the bomb strapped to her child’s chest
That kept threatening to explode from killing the memory;
The night perils that had invaded her
when her innocence was stabbed and the life blood
was sucked into a black hole reverie.
It sucks her backwards when the trigger goes off…
It sucks her back like teeth into her most tender flesh.
She’s hated vampires ever since.
But in some darkness there is light,
just as in every light there is a fleck of darkness.
I guess that is why Stella loves the rain so much.
It always makes the flowers bloom
and the green so much greener,
even if the days are shorter for awhile.
She told me this, once, and I believe her that she knew it was true:
“My warrior had to be my mirror,
My true reflection that knows
that there is Love and there is Retribution
that there is Peace because there has been War.
that there is violence and tenderness in Life.”
And Stella told me then, that she saw this rhythm all over his cheekbones
In the depths of his eyes, when she caught them briefly one night in the dark,
lit by his smile…
She said they shone like rifle steel,
And his gaze would be the death of her.
She would die painting the sparkle into the backs of them;
To keep them polished as obsidian from a Pharoah’s tomb.
Knowing his seed would dance in her womb,
she forgave him before he ever found her
So they could begin fresh.
She said Love,
Poetry
and Life, whatever that was,
Were her trinity.
And in his, there was only music,
Poetry
And she.
A match made in a place
not meant for a name like Heaven.
Or Hell.
Or Earth.
“Our love was a language written on our heart’s tongues
Not made to be spoken,
But felt.”
She whispered in a daze,
“And we were drawn to each other just as
Moons to planets
Caught in the gravity of one another
Knowing we were coming to the North Star
And not believing the journey could really be beginning again,
For the first time.”
And as she said all this, lost in the whisper of music that is a muse’s call to be worshipped and to inspire poetry, she realized, there was one thing she had never done before.
She had never loved him.
Yet.
And it was time.
So she smiled,
Climbed onto his horse and they rode.
Sunset rises crimson on the horizon.
Shutter click.
The End.
© Sonya Littlejohn, 2011